Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13)

Being in community with others is important but, alas, it is also difficult. There are everyday difficulties, such as when your partner loads the dishwasher incorrectly or your child insists you are extremely uncool (when you know that isn’t the case). But there are also difficulties that pose real barriers to authentic connection, like when someone breaks your trust or hurts your heart.

Kindergarten teachers will sometimes prompt children to think about which people “fill their bucket” (people who make them feel capable, calm, and loved). Paul calls these bucket-fillers people “who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you.” We might call them the folks who show up with casseroles, text to check in when they know we’re going through a rough patch, or gently remind us to stop pacing the house and go for a walk outside.

Paul writes, “Live in peace with each other.” I think of it as a suggestion to recognize the godly people who make us better people, to honor them and hold them close. By doing so, we foster an environment of peace. Paul’s words are an invitation to build for ourselves the community we want.

If you have a survivor in your life, encourage them to think about the kinds of people they want around them. Remind them that they are not beholden to stay close to, respect, or esteem those who hurt them—even if they were family members, faith leaders, or authority figures. Let them know that if they’re ready to build a new community, one that fills their bucket, you’re there to help.