Like many survivors, I’m resistant to change. As survivors, we often crave security and safety. We want to feel that we’re in control now, because when trauma happened we were unable to control it, and we were harmed. Change holds uncertainty and we can’t control the unknown, so change is scary.

Even when something new is clearly a positive move for us, it’s often a very hard step for reasons that you possibly can’t imagine. You may have worked hard to arrange something good for a survivor but they just aren’t cooperating with you to make the change happen. This can be frustrating for a supporter, and you may be tempted to stop trying to help.

But please be patient, and remember that survivors may have challenges that they can’t even describe in words. You may have more success by encouraging the survivor to take very small steps that feel safe. It can also be helpful to let the survivor take the lead. When appropriate, you can ask helpful questions (e.g. “What do you think would be a good thing to do?”) that will encourage them to move in a healthy direction. Slowly.

Gradual small successes, supported by your prayers and patience, can help build a survivor’s courage and confidence.