Please remember that survivors have been carrying the weight, pain, and shame of trauma for decades, and we can’t drop all of that load overnight. We generally know what changes we need to make so it won’t usually help to have other people saying “You really need to…” or “You ought to…” or even the gentler “Have you considered…” No matter how good your intentions are, please don’t offer unsolicited advice.

Instead, pray sincerely for us so that we will have loving patience with ourselves, and work on developing one small habit at a time. We feel a lot of pressure to make big changes very fast. But big changes are better made slowly.

It usually takes weeks to build just one new habit, and important changes are generally based on a series of new habits, so if we rush to make dramatic changes we won’t have a solid foundation. We have to be patient in order to do it right, building one habit at a time over a course of months and even years. And we need you to be truly patient with us, like God has been patient with you.