It’s hard to know what to say when someone tells you the shocking fact that they were sexually abused as a child. Please know that you aren’t expected to “fix” anything. But it’s important to respond in a manner that will build rapport in small but solid increments.

The first step is to believe them.

As survivors, we are generally eager for people to believe us…because a lot of folks don’t. It’s often hard to take the risk of saying that we were abused because the response, either spoken or nonverbal, is frequently skepticism. So when someone trusts you enough to tell you they were abused as a child, your first indication of support is to believe.

This means you don’t ask, “Are you sure?” and you don’t press for details. If you can say it sincerely, say “I believe you.” (If you can’t, offer something like “I’m so sorry to hear that,” but be sure you mean it. Then, pray earnestly until your heart is filled with enough love and wisdom. Never offer comfort that you don’t believe or don’t mean.)

February: How to Respond

Week 1: I believe you.

Week 2: This should never have happened.

Week 3: You deserve restoration.

Week 4: I stand beside you.